The Best 50 of Murphy's Law

The Best 50 of Murphy's Law

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

***********

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

***********

Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

***********

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

***********

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

***********

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

***********

The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.

***********

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

***********

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

***********

All great discoveries are made by mistake.

***********

Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

***********

Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

***********

All's well that ends.

***********

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

***********

The first myth of management is that it exists.

***********

A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

***********

New systems generate new problems.

***********

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

***********

We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.

***********

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

***********

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

***********

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

***********

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

***********

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.

***********

Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

***********

The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

***********

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

***********

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

***********

Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

***********

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

***********

If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.

***********

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

***********

Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."

***********

Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

***********

If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

***********

The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

***********

In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. On Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. On Monday.

***********

Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

***********

All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

***********

The only perfect science is hind-sight.

***********

Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.

***********

If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.

***********

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

***********

When all else fails, read the instructions.

***********

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

***********

Everything that goes up must come down.

***********

Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

***********

Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

***********

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

***********

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

***********

Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

 

 

How to Choose Your Ideal Career - Skye Thomas

They say that most people do complete and total career changes at least once, often twice in their lifetimes. Very few people chose the ideal perfect career for themselves when they are in high school and blissfully happily work those same jobs for the rest of their lives. With the way that technology and everything else changes so fast, I think it is ridiculous to expect to stay in one job from the time you leave school until you retire. Even staying in the same company can be a huge challenge. So how will you pick your first career? Your next major career change?

The first thing I want you to look at is what kinds of things do you enjoy doing and what you are naturally good at. Imagine that you just won the lottery and you will never have to work again for another day of your life. How would you spend your time? After the shopping sprees and traveling and such grows old, you are going to have to fill your days up doing something so that you are not bored out of your mind. What would you do? What would consume your attention if you could freely bury yourself in it? Is there a way to make a living at that now? Is there a way to incorporate some of that into your current career? Could you begin doing it now as a hobby and grow it into a second income and eventually quit your ‘real job’ to play full-time at your new hobby/career?

You obviously have to look at practicality issues. Truth be known my very favorite thing to do is drive convertibles and suntan at the beach. That’s not likely going to ever become a career and it sure as heck isn’t going to pay my bills! You have to look at what you like to do and take a realistic look at whether the market is ever going to pay you an income for doing it. Just because you love doing something does not mean that the world is going to love giving you money for doing it. There are plenty of musicians and artists out there who cannot earn enough to support themselves. It takes more then just a love of your work. Pick a number of different things that you love and narrow the list down by deciding which ones would realistically finance you at the level that you require.

Another thing to consider, especially when you are choosing your first job is how much education or special training is required. How many kids think that because they love to play basketball that they will be the next Michael Jordan? How many put in the kind of work and practice that he did? If you want to be a doctor, then you had better seriously contemplate the years of college and the extremely high cost of going to medical school. Down the road, a lot of the experience you get in one career can be transferred to your next career. Customer service skills that you learn while waiting tables will still serve you later when you are an entrepreneur. If you have a lot of the skills from previous work experience, but not all of them, then you have to figure out how to finance going to night school or whatever else you need to do to change careers. Additional education and skills should not stop you from changing to a great job that you know you will love, but you do need to take it into serious consideration while making the choice.

Many of the community colleges have some cool placement tests that tell you what kinds of work you would be happy doing. They ask you a bunch of multiple choice questions like if you would rather work indoors or outside. Do you want to travel as part of your career or stay home? How much weight are you willing to lift? How introverted or extroverted are you? How much money do you want to make? After you answer these questions and a bunch more, the computer system spits out a list of careers that you would be suited to. Keep in mind that what interested you at twenty is not likely to be the same as what interests you at forty. I would think that you could do an online search and find some of those tests online. These will give you some ideas you may have never considered. I remember taking one when I was in my early twenties and I ranked extremely high at “Clergy.” I laughed and thought that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard of. I wanted to be a motivational speaker and it took me a couple of days before I realized that it is a very similar job description. Whether I am telling you about God or I am telling you how to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, it’s the same skills and many of the same daily tasks. I am preaching a different topic, but I am still up on my soapbox telling you what to do and telling you how to live, aren’t I? So, be open-minded to what the test results show.

So, start out by brainstorming ideas of things that you would love to do if money was not an issue. Then add to it the results of one of those placement tests. Take the ideas from those two exercises and start looking at the practicalities of marketability and how much education and training are necessary. If you can find a way to do what you love and make a living at it, then you have got the key ingredients to creating a life of abundance and prosperity that the rest of the world only dreams of. You do not have to stay with something just because you used to love it and now you make a lot of money doing it. If you are bored and ready for something new, then start dreaming and planning your next adventure.

The Four Steps to a Super Attitude

Decide How to React

It is not what happens to you that counts. It is how you react to what happens to you, especially when you have unexpected problems of any kind.

In this newsletter, you learn powerful strategies you can use to keep yourself thinking and acting positively and creatively.

Here are four things you can do to assure that your attitude is the very best it can be, under all circumstances.

Focus on the Future

First, whatever challenges you face, focus on the future rather than on the past. Instead of worrying about who did what and who is to blame, focus on where you want to be and what you want to do. Get a clear mental image of your ideal successful future, and then take whatever action you can to begin moving in that direction. Get your mind, your thoughts, and your mental images on the future.

Think About the Solution

Second, whenever you're faced with a difficulty, focus on the solution rather than on the problem. Think and talk about the ideal solution to the obstacle or setback, rather than wasting time rehashing and reflecting on the problem. Solutions are inherently positive, whereas problems are inherently negative. The instant that you begin thinking in terms of solutions, you become a positive and constructive human being.

Look for the Good

Third, assume that something good is hidden within each difficulty or challenge. Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, a major proponent of positive thinking, once said, "Whenever God wants to give us a gift, he wraps it up in a problem." The bigger the gift you have coming, the bigger the problem you will receive. But the wonderful thing is that if you look for the gift, you will always find it.

Seek the Valuable Lesson

Fourth, assume that whatever situation you are facing at the moment is exactly the right situation you need to ultimately be successful. This situation has been sent to you to help you learn something, to help you become better, to help you expand and grow.

Decide to be Positive

A Positive Mental Attitude is indispensable to your success. You can be as positive as you want to be if you will simply think about the future, focus on the solution and look for the good. If you do what other successful people do, if you use your mind to exert mental control over the situation, you will be positive and cheerful most of the time. And you will reap the benefits enjoyed by all successful people.

Action Exercises

Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action:

First, become solution-oriented with every difficulty you face. Make a habit of looking for the answers to your questions, the solutions to your problems.

Second, seek for the valuable lesson in every adversity. Make a list of every idea or insight you can gain from every setback or difficulty.

Third, think on paper. Take some time to write out every detail of the problem, and then take the most logical next step to solve it.